Beth wrote in her testimony that

[p]arents are one of those people who have the most impact on your life, which means they have the power to cause deep wounds. All parents will cause some pain in their child’s life and children in their parents, but parents are supposed to love their children they are supposed to teach them how to live, they are to be an example.

As I craft this blog and craft my testimony for posting, two questions have been running through my mind: What wounds/example did my parents leave me? and What wounds/example will I leave on our kids? My fervent, humble prayer is that I set an example as an adoring, ardent, advocate of Christ and that my passion for His passion is used by God to change thier lives and lead my children to Christ! And as I have reflected back on my childhood and growing up, I have one main conclusion: that I am scared/worried of having people be disappointed. I see this in my relationship with Beth and friendships, not that it is a bad thing, but that in my relationship with my parents, I am most afraid of sharing my feelings because I am always second-guessed and I am constantly defending myself, leading to me feeling that they are disappointed and upset.

Sunday I had the amazing experience of sharing with my dad my call to preach, and his reaction was mixed. He wasn’t against it, he just wanted to make sure that I could feed myself, which makes sense and I agree that eating is important. But, I also know that God has called Beth and I, and He’s called us NOW!! So, that is going to be another conversation with my parents, one that terrifies me because I don’t want them to be disappointed, but I know completely that God is bigger than all that. That when Jesus called the disciples, they “immediately left their nets and followed him” (Matthew 4:18-22 ESV). So, I have no reason to doubt God’s calling. I have no reason to doubt God has called us now. Sure, it is terrifying and that is going to be an amazing/interesting/tough conversation with my parents, but we have to go now!!! I know that the details will all work out because God’s hand is powerful and mighty, and He is worthy of our obedience!!!

Numbers 23:19 (ESV)

God is not man, that he should lie,
or a son of man, that he should change his mind.
Has he said, and will he not do it?
Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?